to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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