no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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