I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
