Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well I just put wine in my tea
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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