somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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