Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize