She is in my trunk
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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