mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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