He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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