I am in a vortex of obligation.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize