you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
