my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize