google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
