I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How does it feel to date your dad?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
