You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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