I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
