She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
