i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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