The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
