It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
