Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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