So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
