The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
