so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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