Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
