Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
