My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
