How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
