the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
