i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
