question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
