my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
