what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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