I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
