I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
