I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
