I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
