Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Randomize
