I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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