All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
