Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
whose parrot is this?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
