that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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