we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the raccoons are back...
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