i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
