I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
