just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
