Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
