Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
