Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
