morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize