I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize