I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
lets start a swedish sibling band together
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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