I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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