I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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