I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
