girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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