we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
