Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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