u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
