Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
