you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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