My Higher Power is John Stamos
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
