I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Randomize