it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Mom said you looked used
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Enjoy the penises
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
