peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
