There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize