I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
