wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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