10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
